Still here and trying to find my Sunshine! :)


Hello dear friends!

Sorry I haven’t been here- I am trying to keep up! 🙂 I have just had one issue after another…

We saw the knee surgeon and found out that my walking two miles a day was not beneficial for me, and was setting me back, so now I am not getting much movement really.  We also found out that PT is not covered by my insurance, sigh! UGH, CAN WE SAY, I give? So, I have been a bit frustrated, depressed, and ok – pissed off  lol! I am at my wits end to tell you the truth, I can get the MRI for my shoulder for about $400.00 but I can’t do PT at this time, we just can’t swing it. I don’t have to have surgery right away for my knee, thank you God, BUT they want me in PT now  BUT again, we can’t afford it.  I am going to do research for lower body injuries and see what I can find to get some movement which doesn’t hurt for chopping vegetable hurts and by the time I get home I am pretty useless for I hurt so much but try  to just ignore it and be ‘ functional’ yeah, it is really working for me.

 They felt bad for me ( I guess) so they have given me a brace to wear for a month for my bend is 86, should be in the 100’s and my extension is between 3-4, should be 0.  Sorry to be so negative, I am just frustrated for I feel I have gone through hell to get here and I am still here, but we weren’t promised ‘ a pain free life’ so I am doing my best to hang on till January and not have my family either commit me or hate me in the process for Traci is not always a happy camper, really I feel quite sorry for them for they put up with quite a lot from me!

Per my lifestyle, still Veganish, but struggling with the dairy aspect, specifically the cheese aspect so having that occasionally and lately I have been craving red meat. We have been doing more research and honestly think fish is an important aspect BUT I am STILL struggling with the whole ‘ moral’ issue so, I am somewhat stuck.  I am craving it but not sure I can do it,  so where I am?  I think we may try going out to dinner this weekend and I will see IF I can do it that way, my body apparently is wanting/needing this? I am not sure, I am also exhausted and feeling very run down, part of this may be that I not eating enough, since we have cut out dairy AND  meat, I am not eating NEAR enough fruit and vegetables, which is part of the problem. I seem to be around 1100/1200 calories a day but not getting enough of what my body needs so I have starting taking supplements per the Hubby. So, Traci REALLY needs to figure this out so I don’t make myself sick, I am having a hard time mixing my clean lifestyle with this new lifestyle but I think that is in my head.

Can anyone see I am struggling? 🙂

My weight seems to be stuck in the low 150’s, about 153 (size 9 in juniors seems to fit the best but I get no movement, go figure, can’t lift my arm that much (still thinking the rotator cuff is torn) and only sorta bend my knee, so trying to figure it out and the burning is still there- Mama says this too shall pass! 🙂 I am doing PT at home and doing it at work as well…so we shall see.

 I will update, I still believe in paying it forward, I am just trying to get myself figured out, God only gives what we can handle, so I am praying for peace- Dear Lord please give me peace!

Thank you all for being here for me while I try and get it together!

 

xoxoxo,

Traci

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2 thoughts on “Still here and trying to find my Sunshine! :)

  1. Hang in there honey. I have been following your journey since before you and Micheal got married when I used to actually be active in some Yahoo groups :/ I think you are very brave and the fact that you are down almost 100 pounds is awesome considering ALL the challenges and hurdles that have been placed in the way!!! You have never given up and it gives me hope that maybe I can do this too. Smile honey you are doing great even though right now it doesn’t feel like it!! Gentle hugs from Georgia~
    Kimberly

  2. Thank you Kimberly,

    I am trying! 🙂 If I could just get myself together and not hurt, things would be much happier in my world, I know you know what I mean! 🙂

    You are so sweet with your comments, they mean more to me then you know! 🙂

    Hang in there my friend and trust me, YOU can do this and I will help all I can!

    xoxoxoxo
    Traci

Thanks, Traci

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